


mirror, mirror on the wall

by kimwig



Series: my thoughts through twice [3]
Category: TWICE (Band)
Genre: F/F
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-08-27
Updated: 2020-08-27
Packaged: 2021-03-07 01:00:27
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Underage
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,007
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/26138518
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/kimwig/pseuds/kimwig
Summary: the third book of the series "my thoughts through twice"
Relationships: Kim Dahyun/Minatozaki Sana
Series: my thoughts through twice [3]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1877662





	mirror, mirror on the wall

I haven’t slept, the pain in my chest keeps me up, I’m in pain. I can’t close my eyes, my thoughts are dark and deep, I’m scared. I wish I could move forward, the guilt holds me back, I’m trapped.

_Look at yourself in the mirror. What do you see?_

“I don’t know. I can’t see.”

_Try harder. Ask! Ask me._

“Ask you what?”

_You know, don’t piss me off._

“Mirror, Mirror on the wall, who’s the worst of them all.”

I know the answer, there’s no need to hear it. I can see it clearly, it’s written all over the mirror. It’s written all over me.

_It’s you, Sana._

My forehead, my cheeks, my neck, my chest and stomach, my arms and hands, my legs and feet. It’s everywhere, painted with dark paint over my skin. So dark and strong it won’t go away, no matter how hard I rub my skin. No matter if I bleed.

_What is written on your skin, sweetie?_

_“_ I’m the worst.”

_How so?_

“I’m a bad friend.”

Everyone leaves me, I’m so scared. I can’t commit to a friendship, I keep fucking up. I’m too rude, my humor hurts people, I’m selfish, I don’t know when to apologize, when to stop. I’ve hurt too many without wanting to. I keep doing what some did to me. I keep doing what I said I won’t ever do.

_Stop making up excuses!_

“I’m the worst.”

_You are. There’s more you haven’t confessed to. Go on._

“I’m a bad lover.”

_Really?_

I let Dahyun go, I’m so stupid. We promised to help each other, be together until the end. I broke the promise, I let her go at the most crucial time of her life. I hurt her and then blamed her for hurting me. I’m a hypocrite, the reason she left. I should’ve never been mad at her for not holding on, it was me all along.

_Right. And?_

“I’m a bad sister.”

I’ve been mean to my siblings even if most have been so loving. They all took care of me, stood by me to watch me grow up and I turned my back on them. I walked away, shut them out, making them hate me. It was my fault they can’t bear to see me now, I take everything to heart. Every mistake they make I blame them, while they patiently brush mine off, saying I’m too young and I will learn. I won’t ever learn. I’m young and stupid.

_You’re doing well. What more? What makes you the worst?_

“I’m a bad daughter.”

I tend to forget how much my mother loves me and how much I adore her. Just like with my siblings, I blame her for everything, everything bad that’s happened to me. I kept thinking it was her fault because she brought me to the world only for me to hurt, but it was nothing like the pain she went and still goes through. I kept thinking I was strong for somehow managing to get back up on my feet every time that I fell, but it was nothing like bruises on my mother’s legs. Most of her life she was down. Now, she doesn’t love me either and once she got back up on her feet again, she left. I deserve it.

_Exactly, Sana._

“I’m the worst of them all.”

_You are, dear. And what do bad people get? What kind of punishment do you think a sinner like you deserves? I think, there’s not many things we can do for someone who has been so bad in the course of their entire life._

“Death.”

_You’re so smart! I agree._

“Wait.”

_Huh?_

”Who is this?”

_What?_

“In the mirror, who is that?”

_It’s you Sana. The person you’re looking in the mirror, it’s you, the worst._

“And who are you?”

_Why do you care? Stop blabbering and get to work!_

“You’re me. I’m you.”

_Do it._

“What happened to me?”

_DO IT._

This person in the mirror, the one with hair all over the place. This person in the mirror, the one with swollen eyes. This person in the mirror, the one with bad posture. This person in the mirror, the ugly one.

_It’s for the better. The world will be a better place, if you leave._

This person in the mirror, the one with shaking hands. This person in the mirror, the one with bleeding arms. This person in the mirror, the one looking deep into my eyes.

_You’re weak, you’ve always been. You can’t even do such of a simple thing. That’s why Dahyun was so desperate to leave us, she was tired of being with a coward like you._

This person in the mirror, it’s not me.

_Come on, go find her! Isn’t this what you so desperately wanted to do?_

This person in the mirror, it’s not the real me.

_What are you doing?_

This person in the mirror, the one clenching their fists. This person in the mirror, the one taking deep breaths. This person in the mirror, the one ready to move on.

_Sana! You can’t do this to me._

This person in the mirror, the one who’s ready to change. This person in the mirror, the one about to shatter it. This person in the mirror, this is the real me.

_NO!_

“It’s over.”

This person standing over shattered glass, the one who’s smiling. This person standing over shattered glass, this is the real me.

“I’m not the best,”

And now that you’re gone, mirror, mirror on the wall, I’m free.

“I won’t ever be.”

There’s nothing that can convince me my true self isn’t worth of existing.

“Everyone makes mistakes,”

No one’s words can force me to believe I’m a waste of space.

“But they all learn from it.”

The mirror is broken. Long gone.

“That’s what I’m doing, too.”

And so are the toxic opinions created by the people surrounding me.

“Changing for the best.”

I know who I’m.

“Changing once and for all.”

I’m free.


End file.
